So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
