sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize