just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
