what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
