bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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