I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just fell off a train. Bad.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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