there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
