I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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