just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
