i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
you didnt know i had herpes?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Randomize
