I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
