My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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