I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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