after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
