You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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