I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
