The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
