I'm drive I can fine osifer
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
