then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
