I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
