Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize