I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
