hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
