When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
