What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
