dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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