He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
