That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize