shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
