Its about making memories worth repressing
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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