New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
