What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
