Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
