Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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