She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
