I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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