I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
