dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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