after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
