my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
