What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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