my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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