so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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