This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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