great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
