I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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