You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
