yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
