if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
