just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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