I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
