Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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