Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
