I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
How does one acquire holy water?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
