He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize