Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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