There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
