before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
