Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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