just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
All the doctor said was why
Randomize