I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
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