you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
