I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
