There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
