Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
