He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
