I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize