That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
