I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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