Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I will pee on everything he values.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
