When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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