Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
