I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
